My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
