Pappa wants mamma naked
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
