i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dicks are not precious.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
