I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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