If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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