Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize