Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
