my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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