he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
whose parrot is this?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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