My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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