finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize