wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
operation have a gay friend backfired
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
