Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
