shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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