Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize