we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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