Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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