You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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