just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
