i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
