when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
