we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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