yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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