i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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