dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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