ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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