am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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