I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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