i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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