is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
