I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
