the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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