i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize