Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
