Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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