I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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