Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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