Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
