I puked a lego.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
