its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
