Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
