Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
