wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
