I want to stick my p in your. b.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
