were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
