Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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