Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
