dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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