guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
