We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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