She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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