plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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