im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
