Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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