Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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