overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
