If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize