He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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