To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
