You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
