My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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