Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
