she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
