Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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