I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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