Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
