You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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