I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
