Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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