you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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