the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
