so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Shame - the story of my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
