i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
