Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
