That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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