i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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