Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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