it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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