This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
