i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
