it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
